I had always imagined that in the bustling office of any company, the HR department was like a calm centre, on standby to respond to the needs of employees. However, since I started working in one of these supposed oases of calm myself, I was increasingly confronted with managers rushing into this department in crisis situations, asking for immediate intervention, for immediate problem solving. This, of course, created pressure and chaos and a general sense of discouragement, and encouraged HR staff to step into the role of Rescuer.
What if I am always the one in a difficult situation?
In Karpman's (1968) concept of the Dramatic Triangle, we can take on one of the three roles - Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer - and just play it in psychological games, which unfortunately will mean getting caught up in a pattern rather than responding to the situation in a mature and appropriate way. The Rescuer may take on his or her role with a sense of superiority over the Victim, with an unconscious belief that the person cannot cope without him or her. These roles are dynamic and after a while there may also be role swapping - but it is important to remember that neither role is a positive role, as in fact everyone loses in this game.
Problems at work - Do they have a common denominator?
Recently, I increasingly felt that I was constantly doing the work for others and doing more than I should. I was becoming resigned to letting go and agreeing to work that was completely out of line with my values, and I began to see an increase in psychological games within the company that were not conducive to the development of the organisation. I was also constantly thinking about what I needed to establish in order to make collaboration valuable and effective. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any common ground and I started from scratch every time.
Friday morning completed the spell of bitterness. From the moment I entered the office, I was flooded with a torrent of complaints and grumbling, with expectations of immediate help. So when Agnieszka, a manager from the sales department, stood in the doorway and approached our department with a problem of conflict in the team, traditionally, we were ready to activate rescue mode and respond to the current problem. This time, however, things fortunately turned out differently.
How do you find a method and start solving problems?
I recently attended an interesting training course, after which I had a holiday. Friday was the first post-holiday day and automatically weszłam into the pattern prevailing in our department. However, I was quickly reminded of the content of the training. I decided to see Agnes' complaints and grievances as Case - which is the first point leading to the conclusion of a contract.
What is a contract? It is an overt, mutual agreement on a clearly established course of action to which we agree (Berne,1966). On this Friday morning, I decided to try whether the four-step model from complaint to contract would actually lead us to it.
-Agnes, shall we talk about this situation? - I made an opening gesture encouraging her to sit down as she stood with her arms folded and a clouded expression on her face.
- But what is there to talk about? - Agnes did not look happy -After all, you know how it is, the usual thing happens. Can't you just help me? I'm furious that, once again, Michael and Veronica can't get along, with consequences for the whole team and holding up work.
Agnes' monologue went on for a while longer, and I tried to actively listen to her, knowing how important it was for a colleague coming in with a complaint to present it in a safe space. I provided this context, making sure that I had a good understanding of what the head of sales was trying to present. After this, I moved on to the second stage of the method, namely to Requests.
- So what are you asking of me in this situation, Agnes? What could help you?
Although I assumed that Agnes would reiterate her request for immediate intervention, it turned out that she was prepared to look for the need hidden beneath the request. Doszła concluded that she needed the tools because she needed to help resolve a conflict between two człons of the team. She asked me to identify ways she could use in this situation without relying on our department to act. She realised that an ad hoc fix would not solve the problem and the issue would come back in some time if the challenge was not confronted.
Solving the problem without radical changes - Step by step
I introduced Agnes to my Proposal and we have transferredzł to Findingswhich can also be called a contract. We went through what we had agreed on, taking into account the agreement on each level of the respective state of Self: Adult, Parent and Child. When I asked Agnes if this decision would be good and safe for her, I received an answer from the state of the Caring Parent:
-Yes, I feel my need for security is met here.
The subsequent questions gave us further answers allowing us to believe that this would be a 'contract for success in change', a concept authored by Jean-Paul Godet, a French transactional analyst. He recommends that before any intervention and before entering into a contract, enough time should be taken to look at the vision of the matter not only by each party, but also from the position of the different states of the Self. Through words, meanings become clarified and apparent discrepancies can fade or, on the contrary, be strengthened. Jean-Paul Godet points out that sometimes it is an intense moment close to intimacy, the fullest, according to transactional analysis, interaction that people can remain in. This is because in this moment, everyone can recall their memories and explore their needs, thus creating the bonds that are so useful when confronted.
Communication based on support, not accusation
S.P.P.UST. model, which I used in this situation, acted as a compass that showed the way from frustration to constructive cooperation. The first step, as I mentioned, was the S meaning 'Complain'. So when an employee has a problem, they can use this step to clearly express their concerns and dissatisfaction. Previously a moment of frustration and a sense of a call to rescue, it has now become part of the process.
It became apparent during this process that several events in przeszłości had caused tensions within the team, especially between Veronika and Michal, and that certain communication patterns were exacerbating the conflicts. Psychological games began to play out within the team. Agnieszka found that the problem was not just the result of one situation, but was rooted in the interactions between people over time and, consequently, required a different intervention than temporary conflict resolution.
Brainstorming to support the identification of solutions
The next stage of the model is marked with a P - this is 'Request'. Instead of just complaining while standing in the entrance of the HR office, I asked Agnieszka to try to clearly define what she needed. This allowed her not only to express her concerns and difficulties, but also to identify what solution would be satisfactory. Once Agnes had succeeded in formulating a request, space appeared for the next P, which was 'Proposal'. I issued it, and with it we were able to move on to the final stage, the 'Determination' itself.
After some time Agnes appeared again in the doorway of our HR department's office. I wondered if it was time for another S.S.P.UST., but she announced smiling:
- Thanks to the solutions that have been worked out, we now know the ways around our difficulties and since then the team collaboration has been much better, thank you!
I was pleased to see that Agnieszka saw that instead of relying on HR to be the Emergency Rescuer, it was more beneficial to engage as a partner in the search for a solution, enabling the elimination of dangerous psychological games within the team and producing tangible results for the entire department and even the organisation.
A methodical way to go - S.P.P.UST - From complaint to action
The notes from the contracting training have found a permanent place on my desk and from time to time I refresh my knowledge of the 'From complaint to action' model, as its practical application has improved my job satisfaction. I was keen to establish a more precise framework for my action and am now working in greater comfort and in line with my values. I have been given a ready-made tool to discuss all the important areas of collaboration step by step, helping me not to cross the very thin line between complicity and hand-outs. Such an important start to any planned action and change in transactional analysis, the contract has proven to be a wonderful tool that, stripped of perceptions through myths such as being shackles or psychological gibberish, is simply effective and I recommend it to every HR professional.
Something for leaders, managers, HR professionals
You're wondering how to nurture the emotional wellbeing of employees, build strong bonds based on trust and collaboration, where the employee feels noticed and important as they are, and the organisation gains their commitment and loyalty.
If so, this video is for you: https://grupaspotkanie.pl/produkt/blizej-potrzeb-managerow/
Are you tired of solving problems? Choose an option that works
Reach for the proven S.P.P.UST tool that, when you follow the instructions I will provide and weave it consistently into conversations with employees, will allow you to address your role as an HR professional. Start supporting your people instead of bailing them out.
S.P.P.UST will help you reflect on what is not working in your communication strategy, how to identify relationship dysfunction and focus on solutions. Start using tools that are effective.
Click and go to the shop: https://grupaspotkanie.pl/produkt/od-skargi-do-dzialania/ + use discount code: rebate25%
Literature:
- Berne E. (1987). What people play. The psychology of interpersonal relations, Warsaw: PWN.
- Dejean, H., Frugier, C. (2022). 50 exercises in transactional analysis. Poznan: Meeting Group Publishing.
- Godet J-P. (2008) Decisions and postures. Transactional Analysis News2008/4 (128), 58-60.
- Karpman S. (1968). Script drama analysis. "Transactional Analysis Bulletin "7 (26), 39-43.
- Training materials from the School of Transactional Analysis Group Meeting project.
- Training materials Practice Group Transactional Analysis Meeting.
- Stewart I., Joines V., Transactional Analysis Today. A new introduction, transl. K. Balcerkiewicz et al, Dom Wydawniczy Rebis, Poznań 2018.
