Good morning - and what next? ... i.e. what recognition marks do I get

Introduction

"Good morning!" is a greeting we utter and hear every day in a variety of contexts and environments. The responses we hear are varied. Depending on whether it is just a quiet murmur or the serving of a cup of coffee with a smile, we may feel psychologically fed or hungry. This feeling of hunger or satiety will determine what we do next in a given situation. If we feel satiated by good contact with other people, it is very likely that we will be able to focus on our work and maintain relationships in a position of I am OK and you are OK.

If we will lack positive recognition from the other czł person, we can try to gain negative attention, e.g. by being late with tasks, shouting at someone - and thus gain recognition, although the cost will be a position with some disadvantage (me OK - you not OK, me not OK - you OK, me not OK - you not OK). 

Every interaction we have with another czł person is based on the exchange of recognition signs, and the extent to which our needs are met depends on them. But from the beginning...

Development of needs vs. signs of recognition

Eric Berne, the founder of transactional analysis, defined three needs (hungers) (Berne, 1998): 

• stimulation, 
• recognition, 
• structures. 

Why do we also call them famines?

Our first basic need is the need for stimulation. Its satisfaction determines our biological survival, as has been repeatedly demonstrated in psychology, for example in the research of R. Spitz (Spitz, 1946), who studied children in care centres or hospitals. In some children, separation from their mothers, deprivation of the bond, led to their death. 

The need for stimulation develops into a need for recognition, which is individually constituted in each person. It is satisfied by the distribution of the signs of recognition. It is the need for confirmation in the eyes of another c1TP1Person that I exist. Some people need very many signs of recognition, e.g. positive ones, others need a variety of signs of recognition - positive and negative, and still others have learned to satisfy the need to be recognised by stimulating themselves with negative signs of recognition.

Dr Edward Tronick, an American developmental psychologist, conducted a 'stone face' experiment (still face experiment), in which he observed the effects of so-called mirroring attention and the lack of it (stone face) on the child's functioning (Cohn, Tronick, 1983). During the experiment, the mother initially interacts with the child, she smiles, speaks to the child, tickles the child, and the child responds, reacts. An emotional synchronicity between the two is apparent. After a while, the mother adopts a stony face, with a neutral expression, does not respond to the child's behaviour, does not mirror it. Tension arises in the child, he tries different ways to interact with the mother. He encourages her to respond by smiling, holding out his hands, pointing at something, but it doesn't work. Eventually he squeals, screams, cries. His need for recognition has not been met, so with his behaviour he tries to get any sign of recognition (positive or negative). Tronick's research has shown that if this goes on for a long time, the child develops a tendency to withdraw from contact with the other czł person - both emotionally and physically. 

The three needs mentioned above are compensatory to each other, meaning that we may satisfy one need excessively to compensate for deficits within another need. For example, if in someone the need for recognition is not fully satisfied, that person may try to provide stimulation through sports, dangerous situations, food, stimulants. He or she may also over-structure his or her environment, giving a detailed schedule to his or her work, day, family life, in order to guarantee himself or herself at least a minimal supply of recognition signs. 

Types of recognition marks 

We can divide the signs of recognition into several categories: 

• Verbal or non-verbal - verbal signs of recognition refer to the words we say to someone, from a greeting to a longer conversation, while non-verbal signs are the gestures we address to someone, e.g. a nod, a hug, a wave. Virtually every transaction is based on the exchange of these signs of recognition. 
• Positive or negative - positive recognition signs are those whose intention is to make us feel pleasant, good. Negative ones, on the other hand, are unpleasant for us, they make us feel bad. Both positive and negative cognitive cues satisfy our hunger for stimuli - if we do not receive positive cognitive cues, we would rather turn to negative cues than not receive them at all. 
• Conditional or unconditional - conditional recognition marks refer to our actions, what we do, while unconditional ones refer to who we are. 

For example: 

• "I like you" - is a positive unconditional sign of recognition, 
• "Thank you for helping me". - is a positive conditional recognition mark, 
• "I can't stand you." - is a negative unconditional recognition mark, 
• "When I didn't make sure the date of złhe application, I think you made a mistake." - is a negative conditional recognition mark. 

It is also worth mentioning at this point that the identification marks (recognition marks) are a key factor in the development of the system. stroke) can be found in some Polish publications under the term strokesHowever, this translation is rather unfortunate. In Polish, it has a positive connotation (with the word 'głaskać'), whereas recognition signs are sometimes also negative and - moreover - for our development we also need negative conditional recognition signs expressed in the position OK-OK. Among other terms, the term spike can also be found for negative recognition signs, but this has not caught on (Stewart, Jones, 2016) The term recognition sign captures the meaning of the term unit of recognition - i.e. the reconnaissance unit - and it is this that I will use in this article. 

Management of recognition signs: prohibitions and consents 

Parents respond to their children with all kinds of recognition signs: positively and negatively, conditionally and unconditionally, verbally and non-verbally. 

Recognition marks enable us to grow, and parents try to nurture their child in the best way they know how, giving them information about where they can and cannot get recognition marks from. 

Claude Stainer identifies 5 activities relating to recognition marks: 

1. Giving to yourself,
2. Giving to others
3. Accepting the signs of recognition one desires, 
4. Refusing unwanted signs of recognition, 
5. Asking for signs of recognition. 

In the process of upbringing, we receive rules that relate to these activities. The set of rules is formed first through the prohibitions associated with giving and receiving signs of recognition, and then through our autonomous decisions regarding the personal process of exchanging signs of recognition. 

Claude Steiner listed five barriers that arise from the prohibitions received:

1. Don't give others signs of recognition (i.e.: don't share your emotions and love with people),
2. Don't ask for recognition signs when you need them,
3. Don't take recognition marks if you want them, 
4. Don't refuse to recognise signs you don't want, 
5. Don't give signs of recognition to yourself (i.e.: don't give yourself pleasure).

Authentic versus plastic recognition marks 

The exchange of signs of recognition accompanies us in every contact with another person. Truly nourishing and satisfying our need for recognition are authentic signs of recognition. We receive or give them with sincere intention, and their message makes it clear: I see (and accept) you. Such a sign of recognition can be, for example, a handshake expressing sincere appreciation, a personalised gift or a reminder to an important person: "I love you!". Authentic signs of recognition can be positive or negative. An example of an Authentic Negative Recognition Sign could be: "I hate you!"

It is also worth noting at this point that signs of recognition are not only given to others, but also to ourselves. Appreciation of oneself, time for oneself, relaxation or even a kind word spoken to the mirror in the morning - out loud or in one's head - can all be authentic signs of recognition directed at ourselves. Such signs of recognition serve to build a strong, nurturing relationship - with others and with ourselves. 

However, not all signs of recognition are sincere. Sometimes they are used to manifest something, such as when someone raises their voice in greeting with great "joy" and hugs a guest whose arrival they are not looking forward to at all. Another example is flattering a person in order to get something from him or her, or 'copy-paste' Christmas greetings. These are so-called plastic signs of recognition - insincere, inauthentic. They are used consciously or not, but for the purposes of the person who gives them, not to build a close relationship. 

In transactional analysis, we talk about 3 principles of giving signs of recognition: 

1. What I say should be authentic, sincere.
2. What I am saying should be expressed simply. 
3. The sign of recognition should be appropriate and proportionate to the situation. 

So what signs of recognition are authentic? 

1. disinterested, 
2. sincere, 
3. size and content tailored to the situation.

Recognition mark reception filter 

In transactional analysis, this interpretation of messages from significant others is called scripted messages. They take the form of programmes - that is, patterns about how we should build our relationships or injunctions - that is, patterns about the actions we take. 

The deepest level of scriptural messages are prohibitions and permissions - these are formed earliest in our lives, while we are still in the pre-verbal period. Every permission allows us to use our resources and what the world offers us, and every prohibition prevents us from doing so. If, for example, one of our parents had the idea that it was safer in life to keep a low profile than to shine with one's talents and not show what one has, they may have been passing on the prohibition 'Don't be important'. Other examples of prohibitions include: "Don't ask for what you want", "Don't be successful", "Don't feel joy".  

The intention of the parent was to protect us from the various dangers of this world, e.g. other people's jealousy, painful competition, cheating, unfair judgements. Each of the prohibitions we have received affects our lives in different areas of our lives - private and professional, and złampering with any of them will be associated with unpleasant emotions and tension in the body. Examining one's history of prohibitions that have been handed down to us (this often happens from one generation to the next!) can be an inspiration to build up permissions within oneself, e.g. "I can enjoy my successes", "I have the right to be respected in a close relationship". "I can use my talents consciously". 

The prohibitions that Steiner wrote about are only part of the scriptural messages we receive from people important to us in childhood. Mary and Bob Goulding (1976) defined a list of 12 prohibitions and acquiescences that we form in our childhood and that directly translate into which signs of recognition we accept and which we reject (ignoring or even denying them). They identified 12 areas that are affected by these prohibitions or permissions:

• Existence,
• Being yourself,
• Being a child,
• Growing up,
• Being important,
• Being close,
• Feeling,
• Thinking,
• Affiliation,
• Being healthy,
• Making,
• Success.

Most often, we filter those signs of recognition that we most need, which we did not receive in childhood. Filtering thus serves to maintain an image of oneself and to sustain one's scripted circulation. Filtering is about collecting those recognition marks that match us in our scripted version of ourselves. We reject (don't hear, don't see, forget) those that violate our beliefs or touch our prohibitions. 

If, for example, a physically beautiful woman has the prohibition 'Don't be yourself', but at the same time has the driver 'Do your best' and defines her value by the amount of work she has done, when she hears a compliment about her appearance, she might: A. Not hear it, B. Ignore it, C. May wonder what this person wants from her, as she will perceive it as manipulation rather than a genuine sign of recognition. 

Another manifestation of filtering is transforming the magnitude of the recognition signs we receive, i.e. giving more or less importance to the selected recognition signs. As a result, we either exaggerate the sign of recognition we receive (e.g. we interpret a look from the boss as a reprimand) or minimise it (e.g. we do not hear a compliment about ourselves at all). The filtering process is also reinforced by prohibitions on the distribution of recognition marks, as mentioned earlier.

Recognition marks and driver formation

Recognition mark bank 

When we receive a recognition sign, we take it in present tense, but we also store it in our memory. The process of collecting and remembering important positive signs of recognition is known as a recognition sign bank. In common language, these are compliments or other expressions of appreciation that were unselfishly spoken at an important moment for us. We collect signs of recognition in a bank to fuel ourselves in times of need - a bit like the savings we set aside for difficult times, to be used when we need it. 

By recalling these important, positive signs of recognition, we rebuild our mental energy needed to act or change our experience. 

It is sometimes mistakenly considered that we also store painful signs of recognition we have received in the bank, but this is not true. Replaying painful and difficult experiences is indicative of triggering the circulation of the script and activating the talons that will allow us to start another psychological game. Fanita English described psychological games as an awkward way of entering into a relationship - that is, exchanging signs of recognition. Often, the person who sends the invitation to play the game is someone who has not had their need to be recognised satisfied. This is a manifestation of a childish strategy, when our inner child feels trapped and cannot feed himself with the signs of recognition, he decides to play, because through the game he will receive negative signs of recognition that minimally feed him. I will describe the issue of psychological games in another article. 

Economy of recognition signs

The recognition marks we receive go through our internal process of valuing them. It is according to the level of our hunger (need) and scripted records, as well as whether the sign of recognition we receive is genuine or plastic, that we assign our personal value to it. What intention we attribute to our interlocutor is also important in the valuing process. Is it good or zła, is it disinterested or manipulative? Claude Steiner wrote a wonderful fable, 'On Warm and Fuzzy', which describes how we distribute recognition signs. Normally, by maintaining an OK-OK position, we are able to give and receive recognition signs gratuitously, but as a result of parental messages there are imperatives and permissions regarding the giving and receiving of recognition signs. In the fairy tale złhe witch scares us that if we give away warm and fuzzies unreflectively, we will lose them, we will deplete them. In the process of parenting, parents do the same thing - in an attempt to protect us they say, "Don't tell others", "It can be dangerous", "Don't accept gifts", "Don't brag because someone will think badly of you". "If someone says you're pretty, they definitely want something from you". 

The way in which our parents distribute the signs of recognition and put in place rules to manage and distribute them is a way of controlling children in the parenting process. Unfortunately, it often takes place when parents are alone in their parenting script. Then we forget the good fairy's message about the fact that warm and fuzzy can be distributed indefinitely and shared doubles... :) 

We decide the value of a given recognition mark on the basis of two factors. These are:

1. The content of the recognition sign: it depends on the sender and the intention with which he gives this sign. 
2. The impact of the recognition sign: it is dependent on the recipient, how they perceive it and how the sign will affect them in przyszłity. 

Why do people reject the signs of recognition they receive? 

If the signs of recognition serve to satisfy our basic need to be recognised, why do we reject some of them? There may be various reasons for this.

Firstly, because it is written into our script that it is forbidden to accept recognition marks. 

Secondly, because we filter recognition marks according to our life script. 

Thirdly, because the recognition mark we receive is a plastic recognition mark. 

Fourthly, because the recognition mark we receive comes from extortionist transactions and has nothing to do with an authentic relationship, and we do not want to reinforce this behaviour.

Organisational transactional analysis: managing signs of recognition in the work environment

Organisational transactional analysis develops the classic approach of transactional analysis, focusing on the dynamics of interaction in the work environment. Recognition marks play a key role in organisations, where daily communication exchanges affect employee engagement, team atmosphere and performance. 

AT allows us to identify how the signs of recognition - positive, negative, conditional or unconditional - are distributed in organisational structures, and how they affect individuals' sense of belonging and motivation. For example, a lack of regular appreciation of the team's work may result in a decrease in commitment and the search for negative signs of recognition, such as conflict. 

Organisational transactional analysis points to the need to build a conscious culture of recognition signs that supports positive exchange in an OK-OK position, promotes transparency and reduces destructive psychological games. By doing so, organisations can achieve more healthy and productive relationships between employees and better manage their needs for stimulation, recognition and structure.

Forms of structuring time vs. signs of recognition 

Encounters with other people always involve the exchange of signs of recognition. Eric Berne, the founder of transactional analysis, distinguished six ways of spending time with people - he called them forms of structuring time (Berne, 1999):

• Withdrawal, 
• Rituals,
• Entertainment, 
• Activity, 
• Games, 
• Intimacy. 

According to Berne, they serve to satisfy the need for structure, but we can see varying degrees of intensity and predictability in the exchange of signs of recognition within each of these forms. The unpredictability lies in a certain psychological risk we take when entering a relationship - whether we will be accepted and accepted in it. The closer the relationship, the more information we reveal about ourselves and the greater the risk that we will be rejected. This risk increases in each form, from withdrawal, where it is virtually non-existent, to intimacy, where it is highest.

In withdrawal we do not engage in relationships, even if we are physically with others. The signs of recognition we can receive or give are only those we direct at ourselves. We can give ourselves a positive sign of recognition, e.g. by making time for something we enjoy, e.g. a hot bath, a walk with the intention of soothing ourselves. Or we can give ourselves a negative sign of recognition, e.g. nurturing bitter thoughts about ourselves. 

At the time of withdrawal, we can use our bank of recognition marks.

However, if the withdrawal takes a long time, the bank may become exhausted and our need for recognition remains unmet. 

Rituals are interactions that are planned, programmed in some way, e.g. saying hello, introducing oneself. It is a very predictable form that often provides us with positive recognition signs. Although their exchange is quite low intensity, it is enough to replenish our bank of recognition signs. 

Entertainments, like rituals, follow a familiar pattern, but are not as carefully planned - they allow more room for spontaneity. They can be, for example, so-called small talkies. They usually provide positive signs of recognition, although sometimes also negative ones. The signs of recognition in this form are more intense than in rituals, and less predictable. 

Activity is an action directed towards achieving some effect. The cognitive cues that we exchange as part of an activity are both conditional positive and conditional negative. Often their exchange is deferred in time - moved to the end of the activity, for example, to determine whether or not it has been performed satisfactorily. 

Psychological games are the exchange of multiple transactions during which roles change unexpectedly and after which the interlocutors feel uncomfortable. They may get the impression that something unexpected is happening that leaves them with unpleasant emotions. Games replicate children's strategies and serve to establish relationships. They involve devaluing, i.e. criticising or demeaning the person in a way that distorts reality. The exchange of recognition signs in a psychological game is very intense, at the beginning the recognition signs can be perceived in a positive or negative way, but by the end we usually interpret them as negative. 

In intimacy we can express our feelings, desires in an authentic way, without hidden messages. The expression of feelings completes the situation and involves the acceptance of responsibility by each party. The signs of recognition are more intense than in any of the previously mentioned forms of structuring time, and take both positive and negative forms. However, they never have the character of devaluation. If positive signs of recognition are received in intimacy, they are extremely nourishing and pleasurable. At the same time, intimacy is the most unpredictable form of spending time and involves the greatest psychological risk. However, by remaining in the OK-OK position it is in intimacy that we can experience the deepest authentic relationships with the other czł person. 

Raymond Hostie (1980) created the so-called 'circular diagram', which synthesises the above elements of ways of structuring time. 

Hostie (1980) addressed several important issues with this diagram: 

• The transactions in which we participate are perceived and experienced as a process of exchanging positive or negative signs of recognition;
• Recognition signs are assigned different valences, depending on the form of time structuring they refer to,
• withdrawal, rituals, entertainments and activities depending on the adopted life position (OK or not OK) can lead to psychological games or intimacy,
• as valence increases, it becomes more difficult to move from a non-OK position to an OK position and vice versa. 

Practical tips

1. Take care that the signs of recognition you give out are selfless, sincere, authentic and tailored to the situation. 
2. When you observe a person having trouble accepting signs of recognition, try to find out what signs of recognition he or she received as a child and start by sharing them, in an OK-OK position. E.g. if the person received mostly negative signs of recognition in childhood, he/she will find it difficult to accept positive ones. When you give feedback to such a person, start with the areas he or she can develop, note what was missing and then gradually weave in the positive recognition signs. 
3. Start your bank of recognition signs. Write down the most important recognition signs you have received in your life and continue to collect them. Let this be your source of power and energy! 
4. When giving a sign of recognition, remember that you have influence over when and how you formulate it and with what intention, you do not have the final say over how it will ultimately be received by your interlocutor.
5. When you receive a mark of recognition, remember that you have a say in whether you accept it or reject it, how you experience it, what value you place on it and whether or not you put it in the bank of recognition marks.

Summary 

So when you hear from someone: "Good morning!", you have a choice of how to respond. 

In light of the wisdom that transactional analysis suggests, it is worth responding with a smile even if we ourselves feel bad, because how we respond to others affects how our relationships go on. 

It is widely acknowledged that the need to exchange signs of recognition is only a positive thing, but it makes us dependent on what other people say and give us. In this sense, autonomy would be independence from the need to exchange signs of recognition - I may feel like it, but it is not necessary for my psychological survival. At times when our unsatisfied need reaches the level of hunger, this drives us towards forcing signs of recognition from other people. This process has been described by Fanita English (1976), calling it by the term coercive transactions. I will devote the next article to this issue. And right now I invite you to the e-book: With eMOTIONS to the people

Bibliography

• Berne, E. (1998). Good morning ... and what's next? How to change your life script to be happy. Poznan: Rebis. 
• Berne, E. (1999). What people play at. The psychology of interpersonal relations. Warsaw: PWN. 
• Cohn, J. F., Tronick, E. Z. (1983). Three-month-old infants' reaction to simulated maternal depression. Child Development, 54(1), 185-193.
• English, F. (1976). Racketeering. Transactional Analysis Journal, Vol 6(1), Jan 1976, 78-81.
• Goulding R, Goulding M. (1976). Injunctions, decisions and redecisions. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 6, 1, pp. 41-48
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• HOSTIE, R. (1980). Le compas : nouvel outil de synthèse et d'analyse des soifs, A.A.T., 14, pp. 96-99. C.A.T., 1, pp. 152-155.